[Review] Are you an OverAchiever?

I had a hard time patiently processing my thoughts and feelings for past two months. Many aspects of my life were being affected in not a great way, and I did some self-repentance (as a Christian) and retrospect in general. Then recently, after lots of talking and consulting, I realizd that maybe my attitude of dissatisfaction and self-blaming were rooted in my Over-Achiever charateristic.

Throughout many years in New York, I have thought of myself as a person with clear goal, confidence, high self-esteem, and maybe enough self-love. But since I came back to South Korea, my identity started shaking, potentially due to following changes.

  • Living with family after 8 years of independence
  • being stuck in countryside neighborhood which is an hour away from the center city (which means I have less freedom to go for night events/exhibitions/workshops/etc.)
  • meeting new people and listening to media that are not so progressive or sensitive (compared to New Yorkers) regarding socials issues, especially feminism

While these are huge contributions to my evolved stress for last few years, now that I think of these were more like triggers.

Last year, after series of conversation with the professional, it hit me hard when I found out I am so unkind to myself when I was dissatisfied with my performance and achievement. Blameful questions like 'Why are you so lazy?' , 'Why did you waste your time?' , 'Was that useful and practical?' floated around my mind for many years. After then, I tried to pat my back more than before and give myself more acknowledgement.

However, when I felt another block after I got a new job in the midst of covid 19 era, those feelings and questions arose again. This time, I didn't even realize I was getting stressed out until a month later.

The worse thing was, such attitude influenced how I processed my personal event that happened around the same time. I was constantly finding the problems from myself.

While it is good to grow up, learn something, be more mature, improve day by day, such obsession can sometimes choke you. The pressure makes you less concentrated, leads to procrastination or avoidance, then you get to regret, and that creates anothe pressure, then BOOM! a perfect vicious cycle.

Even my MBTI result was ENTJ. MY freakin GOD.

I got a goosebump while reading it. The word 'growth-oriented' in the explanation was the gist of me. I know this is not a bad quality. My aspiration to grow drives me, motivates me, and excites me.

However, I wanted to get out of pressure and love myself more. self-love is also another important key to stop pushing yourself so hard; it helps you become more grateful and satisfied with the present. So I watched some Youtube videos and read few articles to find some good affirmations.

From now on, I'm trying to constantly remind myself of these. (and it'd help you if you're an overachiever as well)

  • Did I compliment and acknowledge my achievement as much as I deserve?
  • Am I doing this for external validation ?
  • Am I kind to myself?
  • This is a side-tool to make ME be ME, not a homework or self-restriction.
  • It's okay to take some break and refresh. Find what types of refreshing activity suit you the best!
  • The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong by Amy Morin

from the comment;

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do BY AMY MORIN

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become more mentally strong.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.
 
2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

You may be interested in this too: 14 Things Positive People Don’t Do

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

not everything needs to be useful